Rule Of Faith

There is a lot of talk in the world about faith, and that’s good because faith is extremely important. But while there is much talk about faith, there is little concern about defining faith. People talk about it, but assume that others define it the same way that they do. And this is a classic formula for miscommunication. When I assume that you understand what I mean by some particular idea, I lay the groundwork for miscommunication. Most often it is our assumptions that get us into trouble.

What if the other person defines the assumption differently than you do? When we learn that someone’s assumptions, their axioms or suppositions, their values or beliefs, are not what we thought they were, not what we thought that they should be, we feel betrayed. Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive belief, trust, or confidence that produces conflict within a relationship.

The conflict comes about because it seems that the other person has changed their mind about something fundamental, something assumed but never discussed. But often the other person has not changed their mind. Rather, you have a false assumption about them, about some belief that you though was a shared belief, but was revealed to be other than what you thought. You made a wrong assumption about them, and when that assumption was clarified it felt like they changed their mind, but in fact it was your assumption about them that was found to be false. So you blame them for changing their mind, but the fault was actually yours for making a false assumption about them in the first place. This kind of thing happens all the time! …